I was on the phone with a client yesterday who brought up the tremendous guilt that she has been experiencing in both her personal and professional life. As I listened intently to her words, I was painfully aware that most of the women that I coach, or know for that matter, have experienced this in their life at one time or another. Why are women so prone to the G word?
"Food, Love, Career, and Mothers, the four major guilt groups." - Cathy Guisewife
While men are taught to build self worth through their accomplishments, our society teaches women to find their self worth through relationships. We are told that if we are able to cater to our families, friendships, co-workers, clients (to name a few) and look good doing it, then we are successful. If we are not pleasing everyone in all areas of our lives, then we often innately experience guilt. Erica Jong famously said, "Show me a woman who doesn't feel guilty and I will show you a man".
I am not arguing that creating trustworthy, supportive and loving relationships can be a beautiful compliment to your own self love. However, I believe that relying on other people to seek approval - or feeling that you are the reason that someone else feels approved of - is flawed. We are doing our spouses, children, friends and business relationships a big disservice when we make them feel that they are the center of our universe and set the standard that their needs come before our own. There is no one that can put their attention and sole focus on another for 24 hours a day. It is IMPOSSIBLE for you to give your attention to multiple areas of your life and the people in it in during every minute. Therefore, you are inevitably going to disappoint someone. What happens when you feel like you have let them down...GUILT!
So what is the solution?
It's an inside job.
Guilt stems from the internal belief that you aren't good enough or worthy of praise. It can come from comparing yourself to another. It can bubble up when you are not feeling deserving of what you have, or feel that you are not meeting the needs or expectations of everyone else around you. However, it is a feeling that we CHOOSE and no one else can make us experience it. It is self taught during our quest for perfection. Perfection is a very dysfunctional mindset, since it does not exist.
We forgot that we were created by a higher power that designed our imperfections. God loves us exactly as we are without judgement. We were all born worthy of love, abundance and joy. We were made to experience the best that life has to offer us. This is the work~ Remembering this and putting it in to practice every day. Filling ourselves up with this love, joy, forgiveness and a good sense of humor. When you are under pressure, make a mistake, or feel that you let someone down, these qualities will show up for us instead of guilt.
How often do you feel guilty? Are you ready to choose the love that you were born to experience instead? Start by being less critical of yourself and cut yourself a break. Be easy when you forget to send your child into school dressed appropriately for spirit week, when you don't call a friend back right away, or miss your favorite relatives birthday. Make amends with the people that you feel you have wronged, and above all have a self forgiveness ritual for yourself. If you do not have a self forgiveness ritual, start by reading the affirmations below. Repeat them several times a day and let the words really sink in to your soul.
I release and let go of self-blame and guilt, I choose to love myself as I am
It is safe for me to forgive myself
If you are ready to conquer your guilt, I am here to help! Make an appointment for a FREE discovery call today. https://calendly.com/michelle-46/breakthrough-intensive-session
With Visions of LOVE,
I'm busy working on my blog posts. Watch this space!